I’ve really battled with the idea of not being able to financially provide for this family. Yes, we can still pay the bills and still go do fun things… But, as you know, I put so much of my self-worth wrapped up in my ability to provide for this family I care so deeply about. On the flipside, I find it very strange that , even though we may not be as financially sound as we've been in the past, I certainly feel like our relationship is in a much better spot. So who knows… Maybe money isn’t that important. As you know, it is not that I want the actual money, but the security it provides for you and our babies. The opportunities that it provides. I know this is a season and God is testing me/us through this process. I know we will look back on it and learn something.

 

I’ve also been asking myself “what is next “? Do I want to continue to sell digital marketing for the next three, five, ten years? Should I try to build something on my own? A new business venture? I asked myself the same thing regarding the Ambassadors of Harmony , I just feel a little adrift right now and while I feel a drift… I continue to seek God and ask more questions as to what I can and should be doing. I I don’t have the answer(s) yet, but I am certainly curious and seeking.

 

There is one important topic we need to talk about… That is “the beard“.  I’m shocked at what a difference it has made in our relationship, especially sexually. I had no idea that it would have that sort of impact. I know you always said it in passing… But I’m not sure I believed you to the degree I should have. Truth is, the shaved face has actually grown on me. I like kissing you with a smooth face. I do sometimes miss the way the beard looks. But not at the sacrifice of what we have going on right now. I've really enjoyed the connection. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that. I’m not saying that I will never grow the beard back from time to time, but at least I know what I will be getting myself into. Again, sorry it took me so long to realize that. MY BAD!

 

Let’s talk about the kids! We have awesome kids. Being away is very therapeutic for me because allows me to focus on all of the reasons why I love them and care for them. This is one of the reasons I wish you traveled more on your own. To visit your family, to go visit friends, or to even have a quiet weekend to yourself. We will talk more about this later… Back to the kids!

 

It is crazy to see how much Whit has grown over the last 6 to 12 months. Not just physically grown… But emotionally. She’s poised and beautiful. Seeing her in front of the school deliver her sixth grade speech filled me with confidence that she’s going to be just fine! She is very likable. There’s no doubt she will have bumps along the way and heartbreak from boyfriends, etc… But she will land on her feet. Her dyslexia will not be a problem for her. She will have lots of opportunities in life. I’m really proud of her. She has tremendous self-awareness at 12 years old. She is self reflective. An Example is when she will come and apologize 30 minutes later for something she did or said. Westminster will be a wonderful opportunity for her to really find herself. I think Aubrey will certainly still be part of her life… But she will find a whole group of new friends to socialize with. I do think you and I should make a concerted effort to get very plugged in at the school (should we decide to attend). Participate in anything and everything that we can and let her go to every school function! I’m excited for her!

 

Let’s talk about Kason! I know that both of us are still battling to find our footing as to how to best support him as he continues to grow and mature. I do see small incremental growth in some of the decisions he’s making, which is encouraging. As you already know… I think I need to expand my paradigm and embrace him for all the wonderful qualities he does have. I think we need to find a small group of kids that he enjoys hanging out with and pour into those relationships. I think friends will be an important support for Kase these next couple of years. I think we also need to find ways to leverage his skill sets and music. I’m talking to myself when I say… I don’t think we have done a great job of giving him opportunities that I know he would love and thrive in. So, upon my return… Maybe we can sit down and brainstorm some ideas as to how to utilize his talents. I think he will find a lot of confidence in Music. I think hockey has been really good for him as well. I think we need to continue to keep him active. I don’t want him to become a kid that just sits around and plays video games. So I think we are gonna have to continue to push him “out of the nest “. With all that said, I’m excited about what lies ahead for him. He’s a great kid and means well. I think he just needs a little bit of support and guidance from time to time.I’ve been praying a lot recently for guidance and discernment as to how to help him succeed. Help hold me accountable to things that I could be doing better on his behalf.

 

Oh Brea Rae…. Where do I begin? Our cicada, loving daughter is quite a blessing! Brea will be fine in life! She’s a true leader and has a tremendous zest for life. Although she can sometimes come across as abrasive… It will serve her well in life. She is very bright and likable. I don’t worry about her academically. She will survive school. I do worry about her sneaking out of the house when she’s a teenager. Seems like something she would do! Haha! It's been fun to watch her grow  and mature. When you got her haircut, it was like she went from a little kid to a young lady. She will be a great friend to many people! I do think we need to encourage her to engage in sports and team activities. I think she has room to grow in this area. Being a team player is an important thing as you grow older. Being able to navigate conflict is something she needs to develop overtime. But, with all that said… She is super fun. Her love for nature and bugs is beyond me, but it’s a wonderful addition to our "mostly non-bug loving family". I’m really interested to see how she grows over the next 2–3 years. Buckle up!

 

And finally, our precious  Reese Poo! This kid is too cool for school. He has all the assets to be a positive force in this world! God will use him for big things. He’s handsome, talented, charming, athletic. He’s also a sweet kid. I can’t wait to see how he develops over the next couple of years as well. I do think we should enroll him into hockey. He seems to have a passion for the game and is really good at it for his age. I know we keep joking about having another baby… But it would be hard to rival Reese. HAHA  Even though it’s annoying… I love that he still crawls into our bed when there’s a thunderstorm. I love his passion when he doesn’t get his way. When he gets in trouble, he gives you that face… You know the face I’m talking about. that “guilty” face that is so cute. It makes it very difficult to stay mad at him. This will serve him later in life. We just need to get him to wipe his own but now! Haha!!!! 

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As I attempt to conclude the longest message that I have ever written in my life… I just want you to know how proud I am of you, of me, and our family! I know we are in the throes of it every day, but when I talk to other families , they are quick to recognize how wonderful our kids are. How well they are behaved. How kind and thoughtful they are. It is not lost on me that I think God has blessed us with the tools, techniques, and strategies to help coach and guide them through this life.

 

There is no doubt that we had challenges in the early onset of our relationship as we learned to navigate this world together. But as I look back, I reflect on those challenges with gratitude. They have led us to where we are now. God has truly been faithful to us. I’m very interested, curious, and most importantly, excited to see what the future holds for this family. God has provided us all we need to succeed! He states in the Bible that we lack nothing. Let us continue to support each other and this family, I know HE will do great things through us.

 

OK, this letter could go on forever. 

 

Just know that I love you more now than ever. I love our family. I love what God has done in our lives. I love the opportunities and challenges He has brought us. I’m optimistic for the future. He will guide us where we need to go. Let us continue to pour into each other and rely on his grace!

 

I can’t wait to get home and kiss your precious lips! I hope you’ve enjoyed this “love letter”

 

I think you will really enjoy the next few days to come on this website! I’ve added some curveballs and some fun activities for you! Please send me a message once you read this. I will know you have read it when you send me three heart emojis like this ❤️ 

 

I imagine you are reading this late into the evening over a glass of wine. Get some rest! Enjoy your time away from “us”… It is important time to reflect, ponder, and become aware of what we have.

 

I look forward to you embarking on day two tomorrow! !!!!

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Love you

 

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Jonny